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Peter Edgerton
Friday, 17 April 2026, 11:45
Boarding the bus to take us back up to the village, Paco bore the expression of a man both mildly perplexed and not a little indignant. The barely disguised chortling of the group of women who were climbing the steps immediately behind him didn't help matters much either. He looked over to me, shaking his head, seeking solace.
"Incredíble, Pedro, incredíble."
For some reason this made the women laugh even more, which was enough to set the driver off. I bit my inner cheek, adopted the most solemn expression I could muster and asked Paco what had happened exactly.
"She just stepped back like this, Pedro." Paco's impression of a woman in retreat, waving her hands in the air, was quite something to behold, principally owing to the fact that he's the very proud owner of an extraordinarily voluminous beard, a hefty beer belly and a fascinating range of mildly threatening tattoos.
Somehow, I managed to glean the most important bits of information from amidst the ambient hooting. Apparently, while waiting for the bus, Paco had stepped forward in the time-honoured Spanish fashion to give two kisses to greet a woman he knew from a neighbouring village and she'd quite brazenly rejected his advances.
"I...I...give two kisses to all the women I know. Nobody's ever -" "Run away?" squeaked Carmen. By now it was uproar. The driver begged everyone to desist for reasons of health and safety and the inside of my mouth was something of a blood bath. Paco's face was a picture.
"What's worse is that she said it was because of Covid. That..that was years ago."
He really shouldn't have said this if he'd harboured any hopes of things calming down. In fact, a couple of the women present were now pleading for mercy, gasping for what little oxygen was still available. I was finally forced to give up my sterling pretence when I snorted involuntarily, further compounding the poor chap's plight. He looked disappointed to have lost his last remaining ally, so I tried to soften the blow.
"Look, when we get back to the village, just pop into the bar, say hello to the first woman you see and give her two kisses. It'll be like instant therapy."
Carmen wasn't convinced. "You might need to creep up behind her, though."
If the resulting cacophony wasn't heard just north of Madrid, I'd be very surprised.
Shortly afterwards, we arrived at our destination and began to disembark, with everybody offering a few decidedly belated words of encouragement to Paco as he walked away, shoulders slumped.
Towards the bar, if I'm not mistaken.